Mel
i spend all this time thinking and i’m not able to imagine what i can share when i imagine that some partially unknown readership is waiting to discover what it is really i think i have that’s worth saying.
as a kid the pressure of standardized tests drove me to over-acheive. i did so well in 5th grade that they let me skip the 6th all-together.
what’s happened to this incentive system? somewhere along the way that connection was unwired. and rewired.
i really desire to share my mind and my heart, in a permanent way. i do it in person every single day.
i want to draw close to the written word again. i used to be a writer. the latest is, the relationship has been strained. i’m a better talker for it perhaps, but..
maybe i’ll get back to it. i’m starting a new career next week, and i’ll spend a lot of my time not talking about anything real. maybe it’ll build up in me over the hours until i’ll have a good condensed thing that comes out and i can deconstruct it in writing.
i don’t think i need writing. i don’t really wish that i did. i just want to leave something permanent of my life, as it is right now. maybe it’s vain. i guess only time and it’s relationship to the next post will tell. adieu
Embracing Raw Community »
Jeff Goins writes for Reject Apathy about entering into community with the homeless and not turning away when it’s difficult.
my brain can’t do both, but it’s at war between sides all the time.
(Source: elysianelixir)
A backyard vegetable garden plan for an 8’ x 12’ space, from Better Homes and Garden, designed by Jamie Oliver.
i want to do. i want to do!
(via mercurialself)
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
— Jesus Christ, John 8:32
it has been a long while
i have neglected you, dear blog. lots has passed us by… i will catch you up, the way i always would. right now it’s waiting and hauling. waiting and hauling. talk soon, ok?
heartbreak under the blessing has purpose
its funny how you don.t see the blessing in the hard, unhappy things. I just realized, 4 months after the fact, what i gift it is to have experienced feeling like i have no gifts, nothing in the world to offer. How much that transforms the heart to deeper depths of compassion. Thank you
its crazy how
it’s crazy how someone else’s unforgiveness toward you can hurt so deeply. How someone close to you not seeing you for who you are can shake you up pretty bad. I guess it fits with what that one author said about humans: we long to be known, and to be loved, to know and to love others. And i guess its also true, as he said, that unforgiveness cuts the transmission of love.
dance dance!
one the newest things to happen with me and dance is that i’m feeling stronger than ever. its thanksgiving weekend and since the apartment is big, empty and hardwood-floor laden i’ve found myself doing chaine and pique turns and various household tasks on releve. it feels really effortless too. i love that about practicing a thing over and over-when it becomes less difficult.
i really have enjoyed ballet class even more than usual lately. we’ve been working on grand battements, ronde de jambe en l’air, fondu, and most recently, a floor combination involving two chasses and a pas chat. that pas de chat had me pretty nervous because i’ve never done that jump before-at least not from my memory. i’ve been practicing at home. it’s not the same as doing it on the spot in class, but still it’s practice :)
We’ve also been practicing our dance for the final and the dance informance. i really like our dance. its a little slower in pace at some points than i’m comfortable with but it’s a good lesson in patience if nothing else. i can’t wait to see how it finishes out and the final result, tweaks and all.
i really liked seeing the live performance and i think i want to see more! my friend Mary is a dancer and will be performing in the Nutcracker next month. i am definitely going! its funny but in all the years my dance school put on the Nutcracker, i never went nor danced in it. i don’t know why. i think once i got older i felt like it was something everyone had far more experience in than i would, so i never tried. it’s really no fun being such a scaredy-cat all the time. i’ve got to work on this. i am doing something about it! i love dance and i love singing. so i decided that next semester i’m taking another dance class (modern I again) and Voice I. how exciting!
the pic above is from a church website that offers a Dance Ministry program. now i’ve never heard of such a program, but i have heard from my lovely friend and fellow dancer Bethany about worship dance. it sounds interesting and i think i’ll look into it. imagine me dancing outside of the classroom! o0o
i once almost joined a troop (dance company) but it never quite happened..my friend who danced in it and had invited me had to leave the state to a recovery facility for eating disorders and well, that pretty much explains that. Either way, this feels like i would be different, even better. Because if it’s dancing for God, then there’s even more of my whole heart involved. hmmm…
